When I was in school, my teacher said something to the class:
“I hear you all saying this adjective—” she raised both arms for emphasis, “AWESOME—” she said. “And I want y’all to know you’re using it wrong,” she said. “Your shoes are not ‘awesome’—” she was doing air quotes now. “A black hole is awesome.”
Some writers—especially copywriters, who often prioritize concision and brevity—avoid adjectives.
“Most adjectives are unnecessary,” said the great William Zinsser, author of On Writing Well. “Like adverbs, they are sprinkled into sentences by writers who don’t stop to think that the concept is already in the noun.”
I tend to agree with this. But I’m not draconian about it. Adjectives are not a writing sin. Only misplaced adjectives are a sin.
A well-placed adjective speaks volumes.
And when it comes to well-placed adjectives, the Schmidt Sting Pain Index is a masterclass. It was created by Justin Schmidt, an entomologist, who stung himself with eighty-three venomous insects. Then he wrote about the pain each sting inflicted, rating it on a scale of 1 to 4.
For example, he rated the Paper wasp (Polistes versicolor) a 1.5 out of 4.
These insects are about an inch long. They sting to protect their colony. And unlike bees, a wasp doesn’t die after it stings you. In fact, a Paper wasp can sting many people, many times throughout its life.
Schmidt describes the pain:
“A single drop of superheated frying oil landed on your arm,” writes Schmidt. “Burning, throbbing, and lonely.”
Lonely.
This adjective stayed with me. I’ve never heard anyone describe a bug bite this way. “Burning” makes sense. “Throbbing” does, too. But to say it’s a “lonely” pain? A pain of solitude and absence? A pain we must feel alone, endure alone? A pure and brilliant and all-consuming pain? The pain of loneliness?
I get it.
I don’t experience it physically. But I understand it emotionally because I’ve been there. We’ve all been there. And this brings us closer to the sensation, the feeling, the lonely pain of a Paper wasp sting.
Indeed, a single word speaks volumes.