“Hello,” said the nurse.
“Hi,” I said.
We were in school. There was a bed and curtain in the corner.
“What hurts?”
“Nothing.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
“I can’t focus,” I said. I told her I zone out when I read. “It’s like my brain is reading but my mind is elsewhere,” I said. “Far.”
“Oh,” she said. “What do you think about?”
I looked off at the bed in the corner.
“Are you anxious?”
I was sleepy. The bed looked good.
“Eddie—”
I snapped back.
“Are you anxious?”
Years later, I still feel Far.
(Mostly when I’m tired or overwhelmed or disinterested.)
And sometimes, it’s to my detriment. It’s frustrating, yes. Embarrassing, yes. Painful.
But other times, it helps…
As a copywriter, for instance, I brainstorm daily. And when I do, if I go Far, I lean into it — and ideas pour out. Most are bad, half-baked… but that’s fine. It’s a numbers game, after all. The more bad ideas you have the more good ones you’ll get.
Sometimes they come so fast I get a high, a rush, part excitement and part relief that it’s there, in front of me — the thing, the idea! It’s there. I have it.
I have it.
And I’m glad I have it.
“I’m not anxious,” I said. “I just get ideas.”
Yes, years later, I’m glad.
That’s my experience, anyway.
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